I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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