I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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