She went from zero to smokin in five shots
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
