ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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