I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
