my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
