I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
