So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
