Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
