The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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