She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
the raccoons are back...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
