we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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