So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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