Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Farmville is her only friend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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