My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
