Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
