Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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How does it feel to date your dad?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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