So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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