3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize