My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
