I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up under a house in Key West
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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