The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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