The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
