I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
