xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
tell me about the fingering
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