just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
