This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
50% drunk capacity currently
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
