so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
