i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
