Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
