I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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