That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
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I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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