U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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