you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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