I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
