i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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