it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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