I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
