I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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