I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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