I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
