I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
