how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
