My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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