I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
