the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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