Someone shit on the floor
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
