If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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