Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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