how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
