Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
