take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
