I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
