he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
