WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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