sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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