I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
